Ever have those annoying religious zealots come knocking at the most inopportune times? Well then, here is the product for you, Blow Darts.
Blow Darts, Don't open the door without them!

YouTube is a human wasteland...but funny sometimes when you have a minute (that can turn into an hour!!!)

For entertainment purposes only.

DUCK!

Broadway sez: "YouTube is a human wasteland"

I dunno about that as nobody has seen the inside of Taliban Herb's home yet.

I will typically just be nice, decline and move on. We have, once in a while, played the shock card, claiming devotion to the occult, or Satan or something funny! That's gotten old though, so...

If they lay the guilt trip on too heavy, or get pushy, or maybe are just naive, I invite them in, sit down one to one, offer them a drink, and proceed to question the very foundations of their ideology.

I do this nicely, but firmly, always looking to harbor significant doubt, and will extend an offer to help if they need it. I will share some of my bad experiences with religion and have them consider the greater harm they may well be contributing to.

Usually, they leave never, ever wanting to come back again. It's all smiles, nice, high brow stuff, but with very serious undertones. The goal is to make them seriously consider if going door to door is actually worth it.

And I'm really, really nice about it.

And I never take their literature.

Think about it before saying that's horrible. If they are going to go door to door, they need to be 100 percent committed. Their very being is the witness and it's not really some silly game to play on Sunday.

They will either be better for the experience, or won't go door to door so much anymore. Either way, they are better prepared for the experiences the future holds for them.

How do I handle religious zealot solicitors?

I tell 'em I'm fresh outta zealots, but I'll be picking up a few more on Sunday.

Bada-boom!!

Skeptical writes:
I dunno about that as nobody has seen the inside of Taliban Herb's home yet.

Why would you want to?

I always say, "We have a great church of our own, would you like a pamphlet?"

When they knock on the door, I point to this, and shut the door

"Why would you want to?"

Apparently NOBODY wants to, so the REAL human wasteland will remain one of life's great mysteries.

In spirit with the recent Supreme Court ruling, I'll put up this sign on my door:


Religious Zealots:
Knock on door to
see God early!




(This message brought to you by Magnum .44, always a good bang!)

I think I'm gonna turn over a new leaf here in the new place.

The old one saw these people constantly, so I played a lot of games. Most of that ended up being good entertainment! So far this one has been quiet --nice and quiet in this way.

Think I'll make up a few nice sets of Pastavarian literature. Maybe knock off the Mormons of Jehovahs Witnesses (they've got great and highly distinctive stuff! --no other reason, lest somebody think I'm picking on them).

Worship the noodle. I can even give samples!

How about decorating your foyer with a Wiccan/Pagan theme? Have a cauldron boiling a sulfuric compound. Tell them to bring their first-born the next time they come.

When the Jehovah’s Witnesses hit my street (and they're pretty easy to spot), I hit the road. They usually roam in packs – men, women and children dressed in their Sunday best.

Last year, I found a Jehovah’s Witness at my neighborhood bus stop wanting to convert bus riders. We chatted, more about his business than religion. Nevertheless, the bus arrived and I departed. Haven't seen him since.

As for Mormon's, I'm more tolerant. Not sure why, but the young men who are on their missions seem harmless.

Isn't that funny. I do exactly the same thing. Pretty clever approach then, missions on bikes.

How threatening is that?

Can't have anything that lasts Skep. They just are not worth it. Playing some head games, handing them goodies, and other simple, "hey, some are coming, let's play!" stuff is the only way to go.

Then there is washing the car and...

(no, I haven't done it, but I've sure thought about it)

Last time I saw one of those zealots in my neighborhood, I was already in a bad mood, so I growled:

"I don't DO mythology, go away!"

I listen politely, then ask them a few questions. Actually, I ask them a lot of questions. Especially those open questions like, "What do you mean when you say. . .?", or "Why do you say that?"

I admit it. I enjoy politely cross-examining door to door people when they come to my door. I don't care what they're selling... religion, cable TV, environmentalism, magazines, political candidates.

Little kids going door to door? I'm a sucker for candy and those pepperoni sticks.

Ok...I'm really blowing it here...I need some candy, pepperoni sticks and a bike...there...now will you listen and not be upset!

KIDDING !!!