Here it is, the guide on how to be a good wife:
http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/index.htm

No wonder I've been divorced twice...I didn't get the handbook until just now!

Thanks, DT!

I'm sure Deane has a copy.

WHAT WAS THAT EN?????

It's hard to hear you from down in my FALLOUT SHELTER!

I wonder if the copy that Mr. M gave me several years ago is still lodged somewhere in his colon, next to all the maraschino cherries that never pass. It probably wasn't a good idea to laminate it.

Be a little gay

Kinky!

You'd just love that, wouldn't you?

Should I send Mrs. J a catalog in a plain brown envelope?

LOL!!!

You've been scarce Mrs M. Here's a hug for you!

That article could have been written by my first, second and third husband. Number four is nurtured and is box trained.

"nurtured" or "neutered"?

Big difference.

I didn't use spell check. Mr. Kitty is neutered. He is a big pussy. But he is the best husband a girl could have. I would be lost without him.

He is a big pussy.

YUCK!

That's it. I'll do it. Cook, clean, give birth, bartend, the whole thing. Joyfully, and to the very best of my ability, too!

For a new car every two years and and personal allowance well into 5 figures.

Can't lower my standard of living just to get married

He may be a pussy but he is not pussy-whipped. I have been de-clawed.

EN - a Rush fan AND all that!?!

To hell with my stance against marriage (after being twice-failed at it myself), will you marry me?

:D

LMAO, Brian!

Sadly, I must decline your gracious offer. You have a rival for my affections. Though he will never ask for my hand, I have given him my heart.

However, he doesn't require any of the above duties from me, so I'll have to keep slaving away at work. Damn.

UCLA STUDY

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

This exchange occured right before the duct tape/spear/fire incident:


Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says,
Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain.
"Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his
privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in awhile I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay at home and
blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."