I couldn't find the old political humor thread so here's a new one.
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An old rancher went to town to see his Doctor and during his exam, the topic of presidential politics came up.

The rancher described Hillary as being a 'post turtle'.

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said,’ When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just want to help the dumb ass get down.'

How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?


None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

Not political, but a take off on Trixters.......

How many Californian's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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None.

Californian's don't screw in light bulbs. They screw in hot tubs!

State Mottos

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave
Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very
Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An
Attorney....

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared

Three women; one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men...that night all three will wear a sexy leather bodice, stilettos and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again...

The engaged girlfriend said: 'the other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and a mask. He said, you are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega-stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'

The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night; I got myself ready, leather bodice, and super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

Hillary Clinton went to her weekly taxpayer funded visit with her fortune teller, only to receive a frightful message. “You are going to become a widow and your husband will die a violent and horrible death.” Hillary asked her, “Will I be acquitted?”

Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani should have been running mates. After all, both of them are power hungry and both of them have had serious marital problems. But the problem is that only Rudy looks good in a skirt.

Hillary Clinton is very concerned with the threat of global warming. She’s afraid of melting.

Hillary Clinton dreams of being sworn in as President using her own special family Bible. It only has six commandments in it.

Hillary Clinton is pushing for ex-felons to be allowed to vote. That way her former business partners will be able to vote for her.

Hillary Clinton and John Edwards disagreed about the economy in their debates. And offstage they argued about which one had the prettiest hair.

When he was on a diplomatic visit to Kenya, Bill Clinton was offered 40 goats for his daughter Chelsea. Bill turned the offer down but made a counter offer to trade Hillary for a different old cow.

There has been a cold front moving across the country during Hillary’s presidential campaign. It was coinciding with her campaign stops.

Hillary Clinton’s campaign song was by Celine Dion. It was about a fat chick on a sinking ship.

Hillary Clinton has been a very strong supporter of same sex marriages. Probably because Hillary never had any luck with her opposite sex marriage.

Hillary’s is really no different than the other candidates. She puts her pants on one leg at a time just like other guys do.

Hillary Clinton won’t commission a Presidential portrait if she’s elected. She’ll commission an ice sculpture instead.

At the national portrait gallery in Washington, D.C. there are portraits of both Bill and Hillary Clinton. Not surprisingly, the gallery hung them in separate rooms.

Hillary Clinton used to dream of being an Olympic athlete but she couldn’t run very fast. Then she wanted to be an astronaut but she couldn’t fit in the spacesuit. Now she wants to be President because she isn’t qualified to do anything else.

Not political but funny:

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Is Hillary the "Black Knight" from Monty Python's Holy Grail?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-greenland/hillary-is-john-cleese_b_100668.htm l

A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever prot ective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.
That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again..
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Hillary batted her eyelashes an d asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, 'Would you mind takin g the dog for a walk?'

http://inventorspot.com/files/images/Hillaryurinal.img_assist_custom.jpg

I expext to see a steady stream of this kind of potty humor!

Back on topic:

In Larry King's interview with Jon Stewart, Larry brought up the subject of the primaries and asked him if America was ready for a woman or a black president.

Jon looked at him quizzically and said "This is such a non-question. Did anyone ask us in 2000 if Americans were ready for a moron?"

Portrayal of GWB in international advertisements.

http://creativebits.org/inspiration/portrayal_of_george_w_bush_in_international_ advertisements

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20202692/displaymode/1107/s/2/framenumber/11/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20202692/displaymode/1107/s/2/framenumber/4/