I don't really know how many second chances an individual can attain in one lifetime but I know for sure that I have been granted one for sure.

I am not going to fuck this second chance up!!

First off thank you very much to my many friends here at Pdxradio whom most of you I have never met. Special thanks go out to Mrs Merkin and Amus for visiting with me in the hospital your visits helped my spirits greatly. Who could have ever imagined that the online world can be such a huge support to a person without ever really reaching out and touching that person.

March 30, 2008 in many ways is a new birthdate for me as that is the day my life forever changed and from what doctors and family members have told me almost ended this life.

Starting around Easter I had begun to not feel great but couldn't put my finger on it and just thought that I had the flu at the same time though I was also dealing with what for me is a routine infection that in the past I easily cleared up on my own without a doctors help. This time was a different story though. I was also concerned for both myself and my parents who are my financial support currently that I was still being denied as my fathers dependent and still didn't have health care coverage since the first of the year and knew that the ER was not a place I wanted to go. Luckily I recieved coverage finally on the 25th of March and right away I made an appointment to see a doctor. But as you all know I didn't get that far.

Waiting in the ER can be a horrific experience more often than not and the 30th of March was one of these experiences. I was low down on the triage list/ladder because my symptoms that I was complaining of could be readily seen. Then after waiting for aprox 4 hrs we asked why others with seemingly less serious symptoms than my were being seen and not me. Mind you we were not told were to sit so they had just racked it up to a patient leaving. At this point though finally things started rolling and I was finally taken back to be seen by a doctor.

I knew when I left for the ER I wasn't coming home that same day but at the same time I had no idea what was in store for me next. During the initial exam the doctors noticed that I was jaundiced (which as best as we can tell had only started once I got to the ER) and my blood pressure was extremely abnormally low. Low BP for me is a miracle but this was no miracle.

At this point things start to get hazy for me as this is about the time that I got injected with some pretty strong and might add pretty wonderful painkillers due to extreme pain which had been ravaging me for about 24 hours at this point.

I was sent straight to Cardiac ICU for aprox 1 week for Septic shock which led to Toxic Shock, Renal Kidney failure, and gasp Heart failure.

Side Note: I have always had serious medical issues from birth. I was born with a congenital heart defect a bi-cuspid aoarta valve. Simply put a healthy heart has three valves to function as the pumping mechinism but two of mine are fused together. I rarely get the common cold or common sickness instead when I get sick I land in the hospital or bed ridden for a couple of days straight. Gotta love fucking genetics!

continued in next post...

Doctors and family have told me only in the most recent weeks that I was when admitted aprox 12-24 hours away from saying goodbye forever. Now I like to joke and say that I knocked on deaths door but the door was locked with death at the other side taunting me sayin "Keep on Knockin But Ya Can't Come In".

Before this ordeal my views on religion were fairly simple: I believed in god or an ultimate creator but for the most part I doubted the bible and dispised organized religion as it exists today. Now I am not so sure. Before I doubted highly the power of prayer but now I know something amazing took place. Was it the dozens of friends, family, and aquiantences praying for me? Am I more resilant and strong than I give myself credit for? I don't really know right now. But I am willing to examine it a bit and have an open heart to it rather than the closed mind that I have.

So I spent a week in the Cardiac ICU of Salem Hospital and that week is very hazy some things I remember and some things such as family and friends I don't remember even visiting. After some improvement I was moved up a floor and there my seemingly slow recovery began.

Its interesting talking to family members and one close friend in particular about how they were all literally preparing for the fact that I was not leaving the hospital. Its also amazing how seemingly overnight all family issues and squabbles completely disappear when we realize how precious life is and how close we can come at times to losing a precious life.

I have heard from old friends in all of this who I really haven't had contact with since 95. My best friend from High School who I hadn't talked to in about 18 months jumped on a plane and came and saw me in the hospital. Aquiantances visited with me. All of this means so much it gives you that motivation to live and to live life to its fullest.

I have lost in all 50lbs throughout this ordeal. Down to what for me is a slim and trim 330 lbs. On a somewhat restricted diet but not really. Its only 1500 calories but it doesn't at all feel like that. Finally I am checking my blood sugars which previous insurances doctors didn't have me doing. Low sodium, Low fat, good carbs but limited, and medium lean proteins. No sugar, no more cigarettes, and alcohol on the shelf for sometime although the doctor says never again. Its not important right now though as I have other more important goals to attain and achieve. No more daytime sedintary life unless I accomplish the excersise and activity that is neccessary to survive.

The care and treatment I recieved at the Salem Hospital was for the most part was great. The RN's, LPN's, orderlies, lab techs etc were awesome. Just a few bad apples in the bunch and only one person in particular who was a fuckup rather than an asset to the hospital and me the patient. Thank goodness this person didn't have my life in their hands specifically.

Things changed drastically though when I got discharged and sent to Avamere's South Salem Rehab and Speciality Care. For some very stupid and idiotic reason places like this and other nursing homes aren't equipped to handle "Bariatric" patients ie morbidly obese. Thus I was scheduled for discharge from the hospital days before my actual discharge because the social worker at the hospital couldn't find a place that was equipped to handle someone of my size which I seriously now call bullshit on!

My first hour at this supposedly fine establishment from the people at Avemere Corp are misleading people according to their website as Mrs Merkin can attest to. From what at the time I thought was shit on floor later was told "but its only bandages from wound care off of a patient" my reply was "its still a bodily fluid" The womans section of floor stank of shit and the majority of the staff only seemed to be going through the motions just to get through the week and get a paycheck. My advice to anyone in dealing with nursing facilities in retrospect is to never allow yourself or loved ones to be admitted on a Friday as those first couple of days before Monday will surely be a nightmare! Finally on Monday I was speaking with the Physical Thearapist and Administrators and things got solved real fast and things improved almost magically in a matter of hours when the staff realized that my mental capacity was not like the others there as patients and to not treat me as if I am an idiot and or victim to be abused and/or taken advantage of. I was discharged last Monday but at the advice of the Physical Therapist stayed until Thursday just to work with her.

Last Friday I saw my new doctor who I had seen in the hospital but is still new to me. I thought that we were going to clash because he came off as such a strict hard ass but now I feel as though he is going to truly be great for me and my personality. Straightforward no nonsense in your face is what I need and is what I am going to get from my new doctor. He has already taken me off of insulin. The Coumidin sp? ie rat poison I should be getting off by the first of May. Possibly other drugs as well. I will be doing some physical therapy and hopefully some water aerobics if my insurance will cover it.

So things are looking up! I have a second chance, I get a redo! Hug your children call your parents and siblings reach out and let them know you love them. Life is precious. I took for granted and abused my body for far to long. But more importantly than that I took for granted this life in general. Life isn't supposed to be easy but its not supposed to be as painfull as it has been for me and my family in recent weeks. Stop being petty with the simple things in life. Stop and smell the roses take the time to do that at the very least.

Again Thank You all for the support and continuing encouragement you are all in many ways the support group that I very much need to succeed.

"Keep on Knockin but ya Can't Come In!"

Shyguy
aka
Shilo

Shilo not much one can say after reading your ordeal. Your honesty and willingness to share with this message board community is deeply appreciated.

Second chances happen. I'm glad you're using that as your byline. I have some personal thoughts I'd like to share with you so when you get a chance shoot me an email, my address is in my profile.

It really is amazing how a collective group of people on a message board, most of whom have never met each other, can pool together and whether it's through thoughts, well-wishes, prayers, a visit or call or a card, can help lift the spirits of a fellow member of our little enclave. Whether we're pissing at each other or not, we do band together in times like this.

I am glad to hear you are doing well, and thank you for sharing with the rest of us. Thanks to Ms. Merkin for letting us all know and keeping us in the loop, and being our mouthpiece in wishing you well and helping to see you through.

Good luck and God bless, and let us know how it goes! It's going to be a marathon, not a sprint, and we're all 100% behind you Shilo!

-Brian

Shyguy, this is awesome! It must feel so good to have a reason to get up, get going and just live. Enjoy every minute of it --and thanks for sharing. It's inspiring to me. Thanks.

It matters to me to know you are doing better and that your time spent here is worth it.

I did exactly what you asked. Gathered the family --after a big and stupid fight too. You are right! At the end of the day, that stuff just isn't worth it. Too much of it and too much time passes...

I'm going to work on settling some deep family issues on my side. It's been years. There might not be that many more!

Still wouldn't mind that phone chat, or e-mail. Same as Chris. When you are feeling up to it, drop me a line.

I'll second Brianl -->100 percent behind you Shilo.

Shilo,

It's so good to see you back on here!
I'm glad to hear that your "post-hospital" experience is behind you. I know you were not looking forward to it.

Let me know when you're up to it.
Maybe we can have a meeting of the southern contingent and talk Torchwood.

This is one amazing board, eh? I like how we come together for one in need. Thanks to all of you and to shyguy, the best of luck for continued speedy recovery!

Shy!
I'm glad to see your better. My daughters prayed for you every night as did I. So nice to see your better!

Trixter

Thanks guys for being my support group and I will drop some lines and am open to talking. Just might take me some time as I am trying to stay busy during my days. I am trying right now not to plant my ass until 4 or 5 in the afternoon.

Shy, welcome back! I am so happy you are on the up and up! We all prayed for you -- except the agnostics who thought good thoughts. :0)

Shyguy, we'll keep the prayers and good thoughts coming, you keep moving and taking care of yourself. Together we'll all get better.