You know, things like:

Should my fur be brushed and do I really need to take baths?

Are hairballs a common malady?

My human always complains that I have bad breath. I think it smells great! What can I do to make my human happy?

I love it inside, but sometimes I want to go out and roam around. Is that OK?

My house is so warm, cozy, and safe, do I really need an annual exam?

What do you think your cat's question is?

I don't know what my cat's question is, but today she was very happy to have a morning sunbeam through the window to lie in and absorb, recharge, and shnap.

Why don't you buy me the IAMS every time?

Isn't it time to build another fire?

Can't I just nap with you for a while?

How come the dogs are always inside?

Would you scratch it over here please?

Where have you been today. (smelling)

My wife and kids cats (I take NO claim to them) ask the following questions and I supply the answers!

Why do you hate me? Because your are a cat and not a dog.

Why do you throw things at me when I get on the counter? Because you don't belong on the counter and you can't learn anything so throwing things at you, in hopes of hitting you, is the next best option.

Why won't you let me go outside like the dogs? Because I'm tired of other peoples cats crapping in my landscaping and I don't want to be a PPPO (Piss Poor Pet Owner) like them. The dogs are smart enough to stay in the yard, but you have to jump the fence and wander.

Why did you have me declawed? Because you are too stupid to know that the scratching post is the ONLY place to sharpen your claws not the $2000 leather couch or brand new recliner or the Oriental rug.

OK sorry for the rant!!! I hope I didn't ruin your happy thread. The cats are a big point of contention in our house (for me anyway!).

To put any doubt out of mind of exactly how I feel about cats, one of the domains I own is www.ih8cats.com! I haven't done anything with it yet, but I hope to soon!

Edit add: Why do you put packing tape sticky side up on the counters at night? Refer to question #2!

My cat hopes your domain gets hacked.
She's working on it as we speak.

http://www.nancarrow-webdesk.com/warehouse/storage2/2007-w40/img.17528_t.jpg

Clearly you don't know how to deal with cats.

Clearly you don't know how to deal with cats.

Sure I do, but it is illegal to discharge a firearm in the part of Clark County where I live and I value my guns more than I hate cats!

Actually, one of my friends got so fed up with cats in his yard tormenting his dogs, that he bought a trap (a humane trap) and has caught 8 cats to date and turned them over to the Clark County Animal Control folks!

If I did that, I'd take them to the Humane Society in someplace like Salem or such so there would be no chance of the cat returning to my yard!

I'm an animal lover. I always wanted a pet dolphin. Dog's are great! It's their owners I worry about.

Motion activated sprinklers is just one way to keep the cats out of the yard, and most dogs don't mind them. If the yard is big enough, they can be put around the periphery. There are other solutions as well.

http://www.neighborhoodcats.org/info/keepingout.htm

Hey look, a "Redneck" Cat Carrier!

http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_nov2003/RedneckCatCarrier.jpg

"Actually, one of my friends got so fed up with cats in his yard tormenting his dogs, that he bought a trap (a humane trap) and has caught 8 cats to date and turned them over to the Clark County Animal Control folks!"

Yup--I used to do that myself when I was still living at home. Our neighbours seemed to be completely incapable of keeping their cats in their own yard, and as such they didn't seem to be aware that cats (like dogs) in Vancouver need a little thing called a "cat tag"........

That and I was completely sick of the cats getting out and fighting in our backyard--usually right outside my room--at 2:30 AM in the summer time.

Here's my weapon of choice--
http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/links/link.jsp?id=0014113222984a&typ e=product&cmCat=SEARCHFEAT&returnPage=search-results1.jsp&QueryText=Trap&N=4887& Ntk=Products&Ntx=mode+matchall&Nty=1&Ntt=Trap&noImage=0

(I think I might still have that trap in my folks' garage somewhere........)

You have me beat Skybill--my record is only six cats trapped and shipped off to the Humane Society.

If people can't take responsibility for their pets then they have no business owning them in the first place!

(Oh yeah--I'm a dog lover!)

I have three mousers at home. Outside cat's with a warm place to sleep. If I ever forget to give them their morning food dish I imagine the question is:

"Where is our food? Hmmmph, very well then, please except these dead mice on your doorstep as a sign of our appreciation."

I don't forget very often anymore!

Motozak, I wish I could take credit for it, but it is a friend of mine that has trapped the cats.

BTW, don't know if you know or not, but they opened a brand new Cabela's in Lacy, WA, right off I-5!

185,000 square feet of great stuff!

I can smell the stink bait already, oh wait, it's just the dude in the next cube.

Skybill--

Yep, I heard about it.........haven't made it up there yet tho (bit of a drive....)

Maybe I will check it out this Spring or Summer when I am in Olympia for the big BMX tournaments at Emery Park.

"Can we have some of your lunch?"

And...

"Thanks for the bed with the nice flannel quilt...where are you gonna sleep?"

Wake me and i'll use your legs as a scratching post!

http://www.animal-lover.org/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/sunspot.jpg