Monday, January 14, 2008 - 2:31 pm
Hello and thank you for calling the psychology help desk, please press the number that best fits your personality:
-If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.
-If you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2".
-If you have multiple personalitites, please press "3", "4", and "5".
-If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.
-If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press.
-If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
Saturday, February 16, 2008 - 10:52 am
If you are not sure, dial 0, and our friendly staff will help you into one of the other options!
Every shrink needs another shrink.
Saturday, February 16, 2008 - 2:45 pm
Actually heard on a Eugene broadcast engineer's outgoing message:
If you hate voicemail, press 1.
If you wish people would stop hiding behind their voicemail and come on with a friendly salutation, press 2.
If you'd like to find the person who invented voicemail and string them up by their toes, press 3.
If you DON'T want to leave a message, press the pound# key.
If you DO want to leave a message, stay on the line and a one-thousand Hertz tone will come by to assist you.
