What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C.
This wasn't for any religious reasons.
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns?
Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

"Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day."


Have a Very Merry Christmas and an Extremely Happy New Year Everyone!

Fill in the joke to this punch line


......Ho Ho Ho..............

uh...What does Santa call Britney, Lindsay and Paris?

Ding Ding Ding....Tell him what he has won Roger!

God am I old, I just understood that.

You've won dinner for four and tickets for two

Thanks for playing.

I was reading that Pam Anderson filed for divorce.

She said she had run up 250k in gambling debts but was able to pay it off with sexual favors.

Guess Santa needs to add another HO........

Meanwhile I luckily won my wife's present on WNIR.

An herbal body wrap and restaurant gift card.

Whew! now I have two weeks to win her birthday present.....

Id love to get a HO for christmas, or maybe two or 3.

They can play with my package all night long because it is an extremely BIG package.

Im feeling Really Jolly right now, Could really use a HO.

Is it "O" scale? Does it go all the way around the tree? What color do you prefer? How about the Caboose? Maybe I can help you out!

Don't forget...the whistle!