Author: Radioblogman
Friday, August 10, 2007 - 8:06 am
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Just thought I'd start a new humor thread: Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and John Edwards were flying to a convention. Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. " Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy. " John added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy. " Hearing their exchange,the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy.
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Author: Darktemper
Friday, August 10, 2007 - 9:35 pm
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"I know you made a killin'/of that 80 billion/but still you won't break bread/to educate the children."
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Author: Darktemper
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 8:19 am
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Fred Thompson and Hillary Clinton were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.
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Author: Newflyer
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 10:47 pm
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There are Republicans, many of whom are political jokes. There are Democrats, many of whom are political jokes. There are people out there that think the answer for one of the previously mentioned parties is by voting for the other.
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Author: Darktemper
Friday, August 31, 2007 - 7:44 am
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Saw the Stevie Wonder thread and did not want to put this there..... George DUHbyah recently attended a Stevie Wonder concert......As Stevie was taking his bows....from the front row George waved to him! DUHHHHHBYAH......cmon man!
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Author: Radioblogman
Friday, August 31, 2007 - 7:53 am
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Research Bush A researcher called G. W. Bush house in Austin. G. W was sleeping in late and was awaken by the call. He was half-asleep when he answered the phone. Researcher: Excuse me, sir. I'm conducting a survey GW Bush: Questions? No political questions. Reseacher: Political, sir? GW Bush: Do you know who you are calling? Researcher: We call numbers at random, sir. May I ask -- GW Bush: What is this about? Researcher: We are asking people do they think COKE beats PEPSI. GW BUSH: I've never tried Pepsi. Is that a new thing?
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Author: Chickenjuggler
Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 4:26 pm
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Eerily similar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII&mode=related&search= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjecVGvDAHA&mode=related&search= I saw the comparison on Fox. Spooky.
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Author: Darktemper
Friday, September 14, 2007 - 7:51 am
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"Richard Nixon epitaph: Here lies Richard Nixon (So, what else is new?)" Nixon Vs. Clinton Major Scandal during their presidency.... Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Waterbed The President's biggest fear.... Nixon: The Cold War Clinton: The Cold Sore Complaints toward the President..... Nixon: Carpet-Bombing Clinton: Carpet-Burns Their Vice-Presidents... Nixon: His was Greek Clinton: His is a Geek. Presidential qualities..... Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger. Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her. Things the President couldn't explain.... Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase Job titles.... Nixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-President Slogans.... Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Known for women pointing at him and saying "He's the one" Known for.... Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak Acquaintances.... Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot Famous feats.... Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh Clinton: Took on Ho Quoted as.... Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor Clinton: Talked of getting a piece while on her Presidential Nicknames.... Nixon: Tricky Dick Clinton: Tricky Dick and finally, Presidential excuses.... Nixon: I am not a crook! Clinton: I did not do nook! Dinner with Bill and Hillary Bill and Hillary Clinton went out to dinner and when the waiter came to take their order, he asked Hillary how she wanted her steak, she replied, "medium." Then the waiter said, "how about your vegetable?" Hillary replied, "Oh, he can order for himself." Baseball game Bill Clinton and his wife Hilary were at a baseball game when the man sitting behind Bill whispers something into Bills ear, Bill Clinton stands up and throws Hilary on the baseball field. The man that was sittingbehind Bill said, "No, NO, I said throw the first pitch! Answer from Heaven A little boy wanted $100 so badly that he prayed for two weeks. But nothing happened; so he decided to write God a letter asking for the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "GOD, USA", they decided to send it to President Clinton. Bill was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The little boy was delighted with the $5, and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read; "Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had it sent through Washington, DC, and as usual, those guys deducted $95."
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Author: Darktemper
Friday, September 14, 2007 - 7:50 pm
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OK...you asked for it! *** Warning Adult Content *** http://frogstar.soylentgeek.com/wav/duckjob.wav Donald Duck inpersonating Bill Clinton
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Author: Skybill
Saturday, September 15, 2007 - 12:38 am
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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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Author: Skybill
Saturday, September 15, 2007 - 12:45 am
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You'll Feel Better: http://hytaipan.home.comcast.net/media/serenity2.html
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Author: Darktemper
Monday, September 17, 2007 - 3:20 pm
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George....fire your speech writer dude. Actual quote from Bush: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PTiMKsTo-o
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Author: Nwokie
Monday, September 17, 2007 - 3:38 pm
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Actually, thats not a bad statement. Its just not complete, Our enemies try to find new ways to harm us, so they can do just that. We have people trying to find ways to harm us, so they can come up with ways to stop it. There are many groups at the Pentagon, who play the bad side in war games.
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Author: Darktemper
Monday, September 17, 2007 - 3:45 pm
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Ya I know, but it is typical of George, it just did not sound good the way he phrased that. His stuff needs better screening.
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Author: Trixter
Monday, September 17, 2007 - 7:03 pm
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Nwokie said>>>> Actually, thats not a bad statement. Its just not complete. In DUHbya speak that is complete.
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Author: Darktemper
Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 12:12 pm
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One day George Bush was walking with some of his staff when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" George looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"
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Author: Darktemper
Tuesday, September 18, 2007 - 12:17 pm
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That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass and I'm just the one to do it. -A congressional candidate in Texas (Now George, that was not nice!) ***************************************************** We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur. -Al Gore
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Author: Herb
Friday, September 28, 2007 - 2:13 pm
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A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee on him. The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat." A third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How about getting me a cold glass of Miller Light!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he said. As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door. Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door. Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled: "Don't touch me. I'm collecting disability."
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Author: Chris_taylor
Friday, September 28, 2007 - 3:40 pm
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Okay that was funny. Thanks Herb.
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Author: Vitalogy
Friday, September 28, 2007 - 4:15 pm
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Funny thing is, there's a greater chance the guy that ordered the Miller Lite and is on disability is an NRA lovin' conservative.
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Author: Herb
Friday, September 28, 2007 - 4:41 pm
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Nice try. Not if he's a democrat, especially among NRA members. Republicans far more strongly support the 2nd Amendment. Herb
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Author: Vitalogy
Friday, September 28, 2007 - 5:58 pm
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Too bad Republicans don't support the other parts of the Constitution.
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Author: Darktemper
Friday, September 28, 2007 - 8:27 pm
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Hey, Herbster made a funny on a political humor thread! Get one and counter it! It was humor and it was funny!
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Author: Herb
Friday, September 28, 2007 - 8:33 pm
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Aw, shucks. You're too kind. Herb
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Author: Vitalogy
Saturday, September 29, 2007 - 9:23 am
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Okay, I'll take a stab at a joke. Here goes: George W. Bush.
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Author: Darktemper
Saturday, September 29, 2007 - 10:03 am
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Needs Substance.....kinda dry dude!
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Author: Radioblogman
Tuesday, October 02, 2007 - 2:03 pm
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One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing... Such was his fate in hell. "No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented OJ. The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said . . . . "OK, Monica, you're free to go."
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Author: Mrs_merkin
Tuesday, October 02, 2007 - 2:35 pm
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Are you sure it wasn't Hilary on the bed? ;=)
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Author: Skybill
Tuesday, October 02, 2007 - 8:12 pm
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If it had been Hillary the other person would have been Janet Reno..... Yuck. NO MIND PICTURES...NO MIND PICTURES...NO MIND PICTURES!
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Author: Skybill
Thursday, October 04, 2007 - 12:25 pm
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We can only wish for it! Rudy Giuliani's "Push" to Save America: http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=172890&mode=threaded
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Author: Skybill
Thursday, October 18, 2007 - 9:39 am
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Hillary RODMAN Clinton: http://www.political.com/images/hillarybutton1.jpg
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Author: Darktemper
Friday, November 02, 2007 - 3:09 pm
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How do you keep a Republican in suspense?
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Author: Skybill
Friday, November 02, 2007 - 3:15 pm
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Oooo Oooo Mr. Kotter, I know! Elect Hillary. Right Arnold. The Republicans will be in suspense waiting for the next screwing.
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Author: Skybill
Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 5:51 pm
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The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton to honor her achievements. In daily use, HOWEVER,it was shown that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged Senator Clinton demanded a full investigation. After a month of investigating, a special commission published the following findings. The stamp was in perfect order. There was nothing wrong with the glue/adhesive. People were spitting on the wrong side.
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Author: Skybill
Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 5:53 pm
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This is almost a good reason to get a PC ... 'cause a MAC doesn't do it that way .... HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK 1. Open a new file in your computer. 2. Name it "Hillary Rodman Clinton". 3. Send it to the Recycle Bin. 4. Empty the Recycle Bin. 5. Your PC will ask you. "Do you really want to get rid of "Hillary Rodman Clinton ?" 6. Firmly Click "Yes." 7. Feel better? GOOD - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi
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Author: Trixter
Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 7:30 pm
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Then DUHbya.... Oh wait... That was 7 years ago!!!
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Author: Randy_in_eugene
Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 11:03 pm
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I'd be more than happy to send Nancy "Impeachment-is-off-the-table" Pelosi to the recycle bin.
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Author: Darktemper
Saturday, December 22, 2007 - 11:07 pm
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Problem is, even though you delete these files you can't seem to get rid of the Spyware they left behind.
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Author: Trixter
Sunday, December 23, 2007 - 10:23 am
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Hillary and Nancy SHOULD be in the bin along with The DICKster and DUHbya. The list would be longer but the SMART ones got out when they noticed the ship was sinking.
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Author: Wobboh
Monday, December 24, 2007 - 1:59 am
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What's the difference between capitalism and communism? Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's the other way around.
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Author: Nwokie
Monday, December 24, 2007 - 7:22 am
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I like my Gen Wheeler qute, because if you think about it, it shows how this country, that had literally been torn apart, was able to come back together and confront an enemy. Most of the soldiers in the Spanish American war were southerners, and they with their brother in arms from the north, put aside the past to confront a common enemy. When Lee died, he was buried in his Union General Uniform, a former confederate soldier paying his respects, commented, "Damn, whats old Stonewall going to say, when he sees that uniform".
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Author: Skybill
Tuesday, January 22, 2008 - 1:54 pm
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VjsomPd3ms
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Author: Skybill
Wednesday, January 23, 2008 - 10:00 am
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Tour the Clinton Library: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AScoMhVZQnw
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Author: Trixter
Wednesday, January 23, 2008 - 10:08 am
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This is even better! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwZSQrDuYzo&feature=related
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Author: Trixter
Wednesday, January 23, 2008 - 10:17 am
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EVEN BETTER!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ASBuh72Re8&feature=related
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Author: Skybill
Thursday, January 31, 2008 - 9:48 pm
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Agenda for the 2008 Democrat National Convention (Just Released) 7:00 pm Opening flag burning 7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N. in Spanish 7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:25 pm Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton 7:45 pm Ceremonial tree hugging 7:55 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 8:00 pm How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore 8:15 pm Gay Wedding - Barney Frank presiding 8 :35 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 8:40 pm Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry 9.00 pm Saddam Memorial Rally - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon 11.00 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 11:05 pm Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund - Barbara Streisand 11:15 pm Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn 11:30 pm Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton 11:45 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 11:50 pm How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers - Howard Dean & Rosie O'Donnell 12:15 am 'Truth in Broadcasting Award' - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore 12:25 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 12:30 am Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 12:45 am Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi 12:50 am Speech and toast by Hugo Chavez to the departure of 'The Great Satan', 'W' Bush 12:50 am Hillary proposes a toast to our 89 million new Democratic Mexican voters 1:00 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast to the extinction of the Republican party. 1:05 am Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton 1:30 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted to drive Hillary home
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Author: Mrs_merkin
Tuesday, February 05, 2008 - 5:51 pm
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Dear Abby, My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone Knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? Signed: Clueless --------------------------- Dear Clueless, Grow up and dump him. Good grief woman! You don't need him anymore! You're a Senator from New York running for President of the United States.
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Author: Littlesongs
Tuesday, February 05, 2008 - 6:12 pm
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Classic stuff Mrs. Merkin! I guess this is as good a place as any to put this chestnut: "25-year-old Eve, says, "I don’t want to single out the Republicans, but they are majority male and a fairly wealthy group of people." The on-again-off-again prostitute with streaked pixieish hair looks less like a hooker than a bartender at Galapagos—which made her ideal for one politically charged client last year. He'd asked her to show up at his apartment wearing a black hoodie with patches and no perfume or deodorant. "I said, 'Do you want me to dress like a protester?,' and he said, 'Yeah.' He tied me down, spanked me, and wanted to yell at me a lot. He said, 'You bad girl! You smashed the Starbucks!' He was a very conservative Wall Street banker, and he basically wanted to fuck the movement." If that made you laugh, you will probably enjoy more of this flashback to the last Presidential election. This article from New York Magazine covers the sex industry preparing for brisk business from the 2004 RNC in NYC. Convent is definitely not the root word of convention.
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