OK...let's have a little fun. Nominations are now open so who in this forum would you nominate for the various political offices?

Examples:

Merkin for President

CJ in charge of the FCC

Timberfake heading up the Department of Transportation (Campaign promise of a YUGO in everyones garage)

Based on the conduct shown on the "Homosexuality" thread...

I'd like to suggect that CJ be nominated not to the FCC, but as UN Ambassador.

Seconded.

Trixter- In the closet neocon.

Darktemper- Van Hagar Expert.

Correction....Not Van Hagar Expert....

All Things Sammy Aficionado....get the title right....Geeeez


How bout NWOKIE for Secretary of Defense!
(Don't Choke em' Smoke em')(When in Doubt shoot first then ask questions after their DEAD)

Rumsfeld would be proud.

Beano---In charge of foreign relations with Mexico....Already has a winning name!

Brianl -- State Chef!

Ed -- Sec. of State.

Deane -- Press Secretary.

FM87 -- Newbie Political Appointee

You know, if we took the sum of our discussions here, it would form the foundations of a really great political party.

And who would occupy the position that Moanica once held?

Missing - Vice President (currently the most powerful position in the federal government)

Littlesongs - White house speechwriter

Newbie Political Appointee?

Politics really isn't my thing.

But I do admire CJ's moderation of late.

And who would occupy the position that Moanica once held?

Chaplain maybe!

Politics really isn't my thing...

It's an aquired taste!

CJ has a talent, that's for sure.

Skep -- Labor Secretary.

I would be honored to serve with a Merkin as President. (It would not be dull, that's for sure!)

I am all for Merkin for prez! If only I can be the drug czar.

This country needs a whole new approach to drug enforcement and I feel that I am the man for the job.

I won't let ya all down and I can even meet in the middle.

/anyone willing to second my own nomination?

Seconded on merit!

How do I get myself nominated as Ambassador to France?

Au Revoir-

The kinder, gentler, Francophile Herb

The Labor Dept announces these following new policies:

Minimum wage now $14.05 for employers not offering fully paid Health & Welfare plans.

NAFTA agreement has been terminated.

Deadbeat dismissal cutoff date set 6 months from date of hire. No more than 25% of new hires can be dismissed for being deadbeats (you didn't think I'd leave that loophole wide open, did you?).

"How do I get myself nominated as Ambassador to France?"

That made me laugh hard. There would be something poetic in seeing that. I bet you'd LOVE it and be good at it because you'd love it.

Assistant ( to the ) District Manager. ( a la The Office ). Comes with a free Bobble Head Doll.

OK, I'm truly flattered, but I must respectfully decline. Unlike the current resident/WPE, I'll never pass the background check once people from my past start talking, and I'd have to tell the truth about my former "experimentation".

I'd rather be the Secretary of the U.S. Department of the Interior or share the Drug Czar "position" with Shyguy.

I would never send HerrB to France. He doesn't deserve it and they'd hate him (and us even more that they already do).
I'd send him to North Korea so he can implement some of his Nixonian manifestos.

Chris Taylor can be President...he's perfect!

A calm, fair, thoughtful voice of reason and a Eagle Scout-type of guy, with a nice family, and sterling background! (Except for that "parking" incident...)

Edsel = Education Czar
Andrew = Defense Sec.
Littlesongs = Health & Human Services
The rest of the nominations are fab!

"I would never send HerrB to France. He doesn't deserve it and they'd hate him"

I disagree. I think they would love Herb in much the same way they love Jerry Lewis.

I would be honored to serve under President Taylor and Vice-President Missing (Hey! Just like Cheney during bunker visits!).

As head of Education I would immediately kick off an intensive literacy campaign, focused specifically on djfrresh.

CJ definitely has to be the UN ambassador, or be in some high-diplomatic role. His handling of the homosexuality thread ... it's SO him!

Education secretary - I'm stealing djfrresh from the radio side. Hookt en foniks werkt fer mee!

Secretary of Defense - Herb. Middle east, WHAT middle east? Nuke 'em till they glow, right?

Health and Human Services I have to go with Andrew ... everyone would be taken care of.

Skybill is the White House chef, not me. I sling pizzas for a living, he makes some mean barbecue. I guess I can be the unofficial White House pizza jockey.

Secretary of the Interior - well since Herb has defense down, I guess I'll give it to Nwokie by default.

Chief of Staff - Deane. He'd be perfect for this job.

Head speechwriter is definitely KSKD.

Presidential advisors - Littlesongs, Ms. Merkin, and Trixter.

I'd like to combine two offices into one and be in charge of it:
U.S. Trade Representative
Secretary of the Treasury

My campaign slogan "F NAFTA" and everyone better learn how to "Balance their Budgets" because I ain't loaning you any more money!

We will call it "The DUDE Witt da Money"

Any Second's?

Oh dear Lord.

What.....I can do it! Oh Ye Of Little Faith! You'll see......please visit me at my Headquarters inside of Cabo Wabo Cantina, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico!

Okie in charge of Interior? WTF?

Here's what would happen:

Oil rigs everywhere, up and down all the coasts, and spaced 25 feet apart in Alaska.

Permanent open season on hunting/killing anything, with dogs, spotlights, poison, airplanes, heck, you can can even shoot 'em with an assualt rifle from your giant SUV as you're plowing through a pretty stream.

Clubbing baby seals is FUN!

Dam every running water source there is, or else locate a nuclear facility on the banks.

Fishing with Dy-No-Mite is fast and easy!

Yellowstone is now an internationally known snowmobile and ATV mecca and testing ground, especially since all the buffalo and wolves are gone due to the above killing spree.

All National Parks are given away (after a large donation to Okie) to Time-share and Theme Park developers.

Any science or research project is shut down and disbanded. What Global warming? Who cares! All operating budgets are redirected to oil well drilling.

Allowing Indian Casinos anywhere they want will settle that pesky trust issue. Place liquor stores just outside all Rez boundaries.

Strip Mines are pretty and eventually will fill with water for a new lake!

Clearcut everything. They'll grow back. Plus all the animals are already dead.


(Basically, he'll just be fast-tracking some of WPE's mandates.)

I think Okie would be better utilized at the newly-created position of being exclusively in charge of finding Bin Laden. Or US-Mexico border patrol.

Second the Border Patrol Thing....or maybe make Okie "Secretary of Defense"!

Sec of Defense, na, I want to be Secretary of War, much more fun.

OMG...I just had a vision of you as George C Scott in the War Room as Gen. 'Buck' Turgidson from the movie Dr. Strangelove! You'd be a natural!

1st order of business, find the iraqi equivelant of Reinhard Gehlan, and tell him, I dont care how he does it, but establish order, and ensure the free flow of oil through the region.

2nd ordr of business, start eliminating Afghanistan villages along the pakistan border, until they turn over Bin Laden and associates.

3rd order of business reactivate the 7th cav, because I already got the hat.

4th reactivate 2 Iowa class battleships, for when I want to teach out and touch someone.

I accept Merkin's offer as co- Drug Czar.

I would propose strong sanctions against meth addicts. Prison and rehab doesn't work. I would move all meth addicts to an undisclosed island ala Australia penal colony.

Decrim marajuana PLAIN and SIMPLE

Treatment with compassion versus locking people up PERIOD. Prison as a last resort if treatment and rehab doesn't work for the individual.

Merkin care to add anything?

Umm Mrs. M - I KNOW that is what would happen if Nwokie was interior secretary.

I said it in jest, y'know. After all, it's the NEW conservative mantra of burning, slashing, raping and pillaging our lands until nothing is left!

No one asked me to do anything, so can I be Secretary of Snarky Liberal Comments?

All right, how bout Secretary of Energy then DAM It!

That works Dark! Done!

Littlesongs and I would be totally scary. We would need Chris as President! Check and balances baby! By the time we are done, the whole nation will be singing kum by ya.

Those that agree with the administration will feel really good about it. That's what Littlesongs and Warner will do. Warner will work the deals, little nails the speeches, Chris would dazzle after watering down the really ugly stuff I think up.

Those that are on the fence, or flat out disagree, will just get hammered and not worry so much, thanks to Shyguy. The resulting lower energy consumption helps Dark really look good with a decidedly conservative policy!

Oh, yeah. Would be sweet!

OK...now everyone go out and run next year for their prospective positions! OMFG....this country would never survive the hangover after that VICTORY PARTY! What with the new Drug CZAR supplying the party favor's! OH Yah....Sammy Hagar will perform at our victory celebration!

First executive order would be to get Herb drunk. Call me goofy but I bet Herb would be the funniest drunk ever and have us all rolling on the oval floor.

Aw, you're too kind.

But like Mr. Nixon, Ol' Herb has been known to tipple a few.

Get me in the Oval office with Henry the K and I'm sure we could reminisce about the good old days with his former boss.

Herb

Hey....There is a blank Treasury check for the victory party....what the heck....bout time tax money went to good use!

All recording media is strictly VERBOTEN!

Also.....the Treasury Dept. will graciously supply Timberfake with a real car...a 1984 Reliant K Car!

Hey Chris....Good look with this group:

"Presidential advisors - Littlesongs, Ms. Merkin, and Trixter"

If you can't find them anywhere there probably having a high level meeting down at the beach house (getting sauced)!

the name of the president in dr strangelove was president merkin muffikins or something like that.

nwokie sez: "and ensure the free flow of oil through the region [iraq]."

Now that is the best thing nwokie has ever said on this board.

FYI: President Merkin Muffley

And the Russion premier was: Premier Kissoff

Here is a future conversation between our president and Czar of War:

General NW Okie: Mr. President, about, uh, 35 minutes ago, General PETE, the commanding general of, uh, Burpelson Air Force Base, issued an order to the 34 B-52's of his Wing, which were airborne at the time as part of a special exercise we were holding called Operation Drop-Kick. Now, it appears that the order called for the planes to, uh, attack their targets inside Russia. The, uh, planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons with an average load of, um, 40 megatons each. Now, the central display of Russia will indicate the position of the planes. The triangles are their primary targets; the squares are their secondary targets. The aircraft will begin penetrating Russian radar cover within, uh, 25 minutes.

President Chris Taylor: General NW Okie, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons.

General NW Okie: That's right, sir, you are the only person authorized to do so. And although I, uh, hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like, uh, General PETE exceeded his authority.

General NW Okie: General PETE called Strategic Air Command headquarters shortly after he issued the go code. I have a portion of the transcript of that conversation if you'd like me to to read it.

President Chris Taylor: Read it!

General NW Okie: Ahem... The Duty Officer asked General PETE to confirm the fact that he *had* issued the go code, and he said, uh, "Yes gentlemen, they are on their way in, and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country, and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. Uh, my boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now, uhuh. Uh, so let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural... fluids. God bless you all" and he hung up.

General NW Okie: Uh, we're, still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir.

President Chris Taylor: There's nothing to figure out, General NW Okie. This man is obviously a psychotic.

General NW Okie: We-he-ell, uh, I'd like to hold off judgement on a thing like that, sir, until all the facts are in.

President Chris Taylor: General NW Okie! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was *no* possibility of such a thing *ever* occurring!

General NW Okie: Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.

When did Homer Simpson get on my cabinet?

Hunh?

I nominate TDanner as Director of the Office of Management and Budget.

Gosh, I'm awful flattered that you folks nominated me. As cozy as I am to the Constitution, human rights and the environment, heck, I figured my days in politics had long passed.

Did anyone notice the use of "General Pete" in my previous post? I thought it was a good fit!

I think i'd like to be Secretary of the Treasury....any seconds?

Heres a good one:

I nominate Dan as Chairman of the United States House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform!

He does a good job moderating this board so why not the government!