Since we digressed on the ANS thread to You Might Be a Redneck If...

Post your favorites!

GO!

Cut and pasted from the ANS thread.....

You might be a Redneck if your family tree does not have any branches on it!

You might be a Redneck if you go to a family reunion looking for a date!

You might be a Redneck if you think "Loading the Dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk!

You might be a redneck if you still play 8-tracks in your "Oh God" car!

You might be a redneck if you own a mobile home like Britney and 14 car's that aren't!

You might be a redneck if you mow your front yard and find a "YUGO"!

You might be a redneck if you had to cancel your deer hunting trip cause you haven't fixed the headlight's on the truck after the hunting trip from last weekend! LOL

The ever classic:
You might be a redneck if your daddy's cell number has nothing to do with a phone!

And you might be a reedneck, if you work hard all day, take care of your kids, do without, so they can end up with a better job than you have.
Served in the armed forces, because that was the right thing to do.

Nwokie....this is the RedNeck thread....not the Red, White, and Blue thread! Anyone does that is a true American! I have not done all of those but I most defineately think of what's best for the family first over what I want for myself!

I just think its amazing, that "red necks" are the only group its ok to belittle and make jokes about.

In this politicall correct world.

Most red necks will laugh along with you.

But you make jokes about other groups, and you better ahve a lawyer on retainer.

I admit, I'm a red neck!

The best jokes about Redneck's come from Redneck's themselves! And you know there really is truth in the old saying "If you can't laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at?"

You might be a redneck if you jump on "yer" Ford tractor, spend two hours on it in the pouring down rain grading your driveway, all whlie rocking out to tunes on your "ZUNE" !

Driving that thing gives real relevance to the song "I Can't Drive 55" LOL

Yeeee Haawwww

And of course, to everyone else the un-paved driveway doesn't look one bit different.

Admit it, you were just pushing gravel around, and filling the holes where I peeled out in the Pacer last night.

I'm on to you, son!

I was wondering who did that. By the way if you are missing your muffler and what appears to be the reamins of a right side mirror I can get them back to you. That thing is dropping body parts all over and should be considered a road hazard! LOL
Although the car is not half as hazardous as the person driving it....together they are a lethal combination and one to be feared for sure! LMMO
new text slang LMMO (laughing my muffler off)

Actually my gravel drive is about 300 yards long. When it rained the water from the upper acerage used to funnel right down the driveway cutting nasty ruts in it. I dug a diversion trench into a nearby culvert and took care of the water runnoff problem. Just needed to use the ol tractor to scrape the gravel that the rain and Merkin moved all over the place. Smooth as it can possibly be for now. Hope to one day blacktop it but that cost's mucho buck's!

Not a You Might Be A Redneck If... but a Redneck Poem for Valentine's Day;

Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky to have
a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these won't do.
Cause yo're too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!