What is your most embarressing moment? Think of a time when you spoke too soon before you actually thought about it.
Hangin out with a co-worker after work one night. We were getting drinks and yes i had a nice buzz going on. I was walking back to My Yugo that was parked in the parking garage and go "So how many months along are you?"
"what" she asked, "I'm not pregnant, why am I fat" she asked.

At that point I wanted to run under a bus, I was so embarressed.
I told her no she looked great, even though she had a huge Tire for a stomach. Id never seen a belly on a girl that big in my life. Hell...it made my beer gut look like a six pack compared to her huge girth. To make a long story short, we haven't hug out since.

When I worked for Space Command, had a fellow programmer, female, who had put an ad in the personel section of the local paper to meet someone, some guy made arrangements to meet her, they had dinner, then went to a motel, I know this because a few days later at work, she was bitching about it, complaining he hadnt called again, and I commented " well, must not have been good enough for seconds".

I also once told a female Sgt Maj, "if someone ever tells you to haul ass, your gonna have to make two trips".

I think if she had of had a gun, she would have shot me.

I know I might have. Or at least gotten even with you later in my own special way.

Don't try saying it to me if we ever meet, you might be walking funny for a while, depending on what kind of mood I'm in.

;=0

Mrs Merkin....AKA Major Pain if perturbed!

OK - I have a few. And they each happened while being a DJ for Stuart Anderson's Cattle Company. Yep. That was me. I was a good DJ. Not zany or wacky - but relatively entertaining. And I played good music.

However - I should have NEVER gotten that job.

So after college at a Private Bible College, I decided to look for work as a DJ. My first mistake was thinking that I could just send a demo tape to a station, showing how good I was at hitting my posts, and POOF! - Walk right into a Portland market station. Preferably during drive-time thank-you-very-much. I figured my mix tapes that I had been making since the 7th grade was a good resume'.

Idiot. Uh, no. That's not how it works.

It didn't take long before I understood that that was not going to pan out.

So I answered a newspaper ad that said " Looking for a DJ - NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED! " Apply to this address, blah blah blah. So I sent in a resume ( which included me working at a bank and working for the census bureau.

They called me in for an interview with a woman who was in charge of hiring all the DJs for the Portland area and Salem. I aced the interview. We got along great. Then she dropped the bomb;

" Well Sean, everything looks great. We have other applicants and we are asking them all to come in this Tuesday night and audition, on a live mic, in front of a PACKED Ladies Night at teh Beaverton Square Cow Fun Bar!. See you at 10 p.m."

I had been in there maybe twice since turning 21 and knew that it was NOT my scene. But I had an audition for that Tuesday night. Along with SEVEN others. The format would be that each prospective DJ would stand in the booth with the regular house DJ, he would play the music, and I was to talk to the crowd and see how I did. No script. No suggestions. Nothing. Freform and wing it.

So Tuesday night rolls around and I chicken out. I don't go to the audition. About 10:30, I get a call at home from the woman who set it up asking where I was. " Oh - was that tonight? I thought it was NEXT Tuesday." I lied.

She said " No, it's now. Come on down." So I took a shower, got changed, and went down to the Beaverton Cattle Company/Black Angus. The place was PACKED. Half of the Portland Trailblazers were there - macking on the white chicks. I was clearly out of my element. But at about 11:45, my shift was here. I got in the booth with the house DJ ( Great guy, thought he was David Lee Roth and he was very popular ). The crowd had endured some terrible auditions - I was next and they were thirsty for blood.

I get up there and am so frozen that all I could say, and I shit you not, was, " You guys are hot. Hot Hot. So hot. The opposite of cold. Very warm - super warm. You guys are hot...." But I was talking ove the intro to some Bobby Brown song or whatever smash was a hit at the time so it went pretty unnoticed as people were RUNNING to the dance floor to the jam.

The house DJ took the mic back and said " OK - not bad. During this next intro though, put on a little show. Stand up on the equipment and air guitar to Judas Priest's You've Got Another Thing Comin'. " ( Which was a schtik he did and got away with because he was popular ). So he cues the song up and ther I am, standing up high on the booth, commanding attention, air guitaring. And about 10 seconds into it, right before the lyrics start, I adjust my footing and kick off the master power switch to the entire sound, lights. Silence. Nothing but me looking like a FOOL up there.

" Boooooooooooooooooooooo! " Olives and cocktail onions are quickly hurled my way. Not only that, but the system had this kind of rebooting thing that took place in an event like that so it took about 60 seconds for everything to come back on.

That was the end of my audition and if ther was ever a time I needed a drink, that was it. So I went to the bar, knowing that I had blown it. The bartender GAVE me whatevrr I wanted - on the house. I left in shame - but with a buzz.

Two days later I get a call " Well, we'd like to offer you the position."

I said " You have to be fucking kidding me. Based on WHAT?"

She said she thought I had potential.

The rest, as they say, is tragedy. I was hired. Quickly promoted. Transferred to Salem for 4 GLORIOUS years there. Became what was known as " The cleaner." ( I would go into troubled locations and change their format, usually on the heels of a popular DJ who was fired for some reason, and be expected to rebuild their business in the bar from scratch ). And then I was put out to pasture and allowed to return back home to Salem until the entire chain decided that the liability involved in offering a dance club was just not worth it.

I loved it all - and it almost got me killed more than a few time because of my mouth.

Now I just get stalked. And with that I can hang.

Busted! Are you talking about moi? Did you trace the merkin-mobile license-plate?

Seriously, is that happening? Is it kind of a "Play Misty For Me" kind of thing? Scary!

It would be a nice change to have a woman stalking me.

Chicken- Man your story brought back some memories for me. I used to DJ at the Beaverton Black Angus in the early to mid 80s. My audition was never as stressful as yours but I did enjoy the 2 years I did work in Beaverton. I'd do my afternoon drive show on 1410 KCNR and then work 9-2am at BA.

I think my high point during that time was one night I decided to end the evening with Sinatra's New York, New York. (Vinyl back then). I put on the song and just on a whim started lip syncing. I ended up putting on someone’s trench coat, another guys hat, borrowed umbrella and made a big Broadway type of exit. It brought the house down. However I could never match that kind of ending again.

I have 2 stalkers, both female, it all started when I got my YUGO, go figure!

Hey Justin...Take a look at the little attempt I made at humor with the "Radio Wars XXIV" thread. Any people in their sound familiar to you?

Sinatra!

HA!

Nice. Yeah, there was a real movement to get DJs to put of wigs when I worked there. I steadfastly refused. There was never a question - NO!

It's not that I was too cool or anything - it just did not fit me. I was sharp on the mic and made good connections. We had some corporate guy ( who had been promoted from DJ ) come in and do evaluations of each DJ in the district. He was a sneaky bastard. I didn't know what he looked like, so he came in on Friday to watch. Never introducing himself until the end of the night. All he said was " I'll be back tomorrow and I'll show you how it's done."

I was somewhat seasoned and was so far from intimidated that it wasn't even funny. I had all kinds of time to plot against him before Saturday night. I came up wiht some real doozies to mess with him. Instead, at about 10 pm ( right when the dinner crowd has left the restaurant and I can now turn the music up and get people on the floor ) he appeared at the booth, wearing nothing but a diaper...you read that right...and took the mic from my hand, stepped into the booth, announced who he was and why he was there and proceeded to tell me, over the mic, that I now had the night off and that I should get a drink and enjoy the show.

Every single person ( literally about 200 people ) followed me out the door as I announced I was going to La Casa Real ( a competing bar with a DJ ) for drinks for the rest of the night. Diaper Man's first song to " get people going " was Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah and the staff told me that they shut down for the night within an hour.

I got hammered and laid.

My point is that I could never do that stuff and have it be funny. The crowd I had attracted was music driven, spent money, fought very little. I was just fine with that.

Foot firmly in mouth! Merkin on way to Star Rentals to get Backhoe to dig my grave and then bury my sorry BUTT in it! Don't know if they will rent it to her though.....Pacers usually not good for pulling trailers! LOL

WHY...?
Read PDX Blind Date and Got a Cool Car posts I made! I am so dead!

Chicken, that's freaking awesome!

Ever have a conversation with Mr diaper afterword?

(I would, just for the morbid gloating!)

DT, I've ordered a special air-tight, extra-sound-proof "PODS" (Portable On Demand Storage) unit for your big driveway. Has it been delivered yet? Grap your pillow, ipod and a pitcher of cocktails and check out the inside, and pay NO attention to that trip wire hooked up to the door!

http://www.pods.com/

Really, CSI Detective, I was nowhere near his house, ever!

Thought I heard some racket out there a bit ago. Will have to grab my ZUNE, cell phone, and bottle of Cabo and check it out. Will get back to you!

Yep...just checked...POD (Place of Death) unit has arrived! Have not seen the backhoe or crane truck yet though...you know when they will get here?

Whats the combination to the lock on the door so I can go in and check it out?