I'm guess the guy didn't pray hard enough to not allow himself to choose to be gay.

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_4588998

Oooops!

Bet he's lost that expensive smile and fake tan look since this "came out".

Why resign if it's absolutely not true.

Thank Gourd for confession!

Oh wait, Evangels don't have that do they?

When asked why he didn't marry the guy, he said,

"why buy the cow when you can get the homo for a fee."

Stoppit! Yer KILLIN' me!

Hey...Mrs. M...looks like all the popular kids are playing at the other thread. I told you your Pat Benatar stretch pants were not cool.

get the homo for free!

Hilarious!

Hey kids, looks like some of us do not play well with others!

Man, what a quiet thread... spinning this one is gonna be tough --the guy up and quit. Trouble in paradise it seems.

There is good news for him though. Plenty of liberal minded evangelicals on the left side of the fence. He can make new friends, reaffirm his relationship with god and get feeling pretty good again in nothing flat.

Now the test... Is dogma stronger than gay?

The BIGGEST Bible-thumper in America, a man Wayner prays to daily, chooses HOT GAY SEX over sex with the Mrs, according to the preacher.

What will his five children say at school today?

"My Daddy loves to screw cheap male prostitutes instead of my Mom."

Fun talk at recess, huh chilrun????

Confession... Always liked that. Dump it all on Sunday, knock out your hail marys and wake up on Monday ready to sin again! Heck of a deal.

Maybe the guy's wife didn't like to do it dogma-style.

Good grief!

Crap, that's funny! ---thanks, this morning sucks a little less!

Dono! Sooo good!


Recess:

Do you think your Dad could score us some meth? That would be awesome during Sunday School! Probably way better than those "poppers" you got from him.

This just in!

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_4597813

Haggard admits some indiscretions

The New Life Church minister who has temporarily taken over for accused leader Ted Haggard stated in an e-mail to parishoners late Thursday night that Haggard confessed to some indiscretions alleged by a homosexual prostitute.

The e-mail from Pastor Ross Parsley, which went out at 11 p.m., stated, "It is important for you to know that he (Haggard) confessed to the overseers that some of the accusations against him are true.

He's gonna look Haggard before this blows over...

Probably find him in a gay bar someday, with a nose job and new hair!

Biblethumper-turned Satan Ted Haggard meet Ken Mehlman, the closeted, yet OH SO GAY chairman of the Republican Nat'l Committee.

You boys want a room?

No, you boys NEED a room.

Dono,

This thread is way funnier than the other one, and so far it's WW-free!

I'm wondering which accusations Pastor (Rode Hard and) Haggard 'fessed up to?

Today I'm wearing stirrup pants and my "Let's Get Pysical" leg-warmers today in honor of hot sweaty tan men! Got a snag in the shiny PB-memorial pair. Damn!

My sis had PB on one of her flights years ago, said she is so tiny, and really nice! Unlike many other celebs she services, not in a gay way, though.

He didn't bang the gay guy, he says. He just bought crank off of him.

But he didn't DO the crank, he says.

nothing like peppering your gay sex scandal with meth bought from a homosexual prostitute. Tasty.

No actual hot man-on-man sex or doing drugs?

Oh, well that makes everything OK. Obviously he'll be forgiven and reinstated.

Darn, just when it was getting juicy.

Still, I wonder if they "spooned".

As Jennifer Beals is my witness, if you so much as sit on a chair and pour a bucket of water all over yourself there's no way much work is going to get done today...that's right...it'll be a Footloose and fancy free Friday.

No surprise about your attire...your secret admiration for Richard Simmons is safe with me...I mean it was.

With respect to this thread and the lovely Ms. Benatar, I guess Hell isn't just for children..."Yes, Mr. Haggard, your room is ready."

"..and Richard Simmons, the Olivia Newton John CD, and the warm SPF 0 Banana Boat® oil that you requested are all there waiting for you, Reverend Haggard".


I am not worthy. If I poured water on myself, I'd probably be electrocuted.

You two are killing me!

Oh yeah, they spooned! You just know it.

No more Holding out for a Hero just because Love is a battlefield. The secret is OUT. The whole thing is a bloody heartbreaker, but in the end we all live for love.

Ha!

Love Maker!

This just in...

President Bush has just cancelled his WEEKLY meeting with his top religious advisor, Ted Haggard, as Ted tries to explain his RED HOT GAY BUTT SEX to his one, two, three, four, yes, FIVE children who woke up to see their father's blushing red face plastered on the front page of every newspaper between Denver and Dubai.

The GOP has quite a problem with all them gays having all that hot gay sex -- like Freaky Foley, Jeff Guckert and now Ted Haggard.

Nothing like some crystal meth and hot gay sex to get through a slow Sunday morning in Colorado Springs, huh kids?

Huh Wayner?

It's always beat the devil out of me what happened to my copy of "Xanadu".

"I am not worthy. If I poured water on myself, I'd probably be electrocuted."

That wouldn't be good...I doubt Mr. Merkin would be too pleased if you shocked his monkey.

One wife, 5 kids, 14,000 faithful followers at the church he started in his basement.

Only 13,994 apologies to go!

And his wife finding this on his Ipod, listed under "Rock Hard Workout" probably doesn't help:

I'm saying all the things that I know you'll like, makin' good conversation
I gotta handle you just right, you know what I mean
I took you to an intimate restaurant, then to a suggestive movie
There's nothin' left to talk about, unless it's horizontally

CHORUS
Let's get physical, physical, I wanna get physical, let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk, let me hear your body talk

I've been patient, I've been good, tried to keep my hands on the table
It's gettin' hard this holdin' back, you know what I mean
I'm sure you'll understand my point of view, we know each other mentally
You gotta know that you're bringin' out the animal in me

Oh, let's get physical, physical, I wanna get physical, let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk, let me hear your body talk

Let's get animal, animal, I wanna get animal, let's get into animal
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk, let me hear your body talk

Or this:

A place where nobody dared to go,
the love that we came to know
They call it Xanadu

And now, open your eyes and see,
what we have made is real
We are in Xanadu

A million lights are dancing and there you are, a shooting star
An everlasting world and you're here with me, eternally...


He probably wasn't referring to God in that last line.

Here's some more Olivia Newton-John selections for the good father:

Act of Faith
Big and Strong
Born to Hand Jive
Brotherly Love
Can't We talk it Over In Bed?
Gimme Some Lovin'
God Only Knows
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Lover, er, Brother
I Love You, I (dis)Honestly Love you
I will Touch You
Look At me, I'm Sandra Dee
Lovin You Ain't Easy
Mouth, er, Moth to a Flame (Flaming?)
Ring of Fire

Ok, you get the picture...

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/olivia-newton-john/

"There's nothin' left to talk about, unless it's horizontally"

I'm thinkin' one of 'em is going to be talkin' perpendicularly.