Most of us have a brother or a sister and the "only children" I know usually had and still have a favorite cousin. Now that I am pushing 40, I have been thinking lately of how unique the relationship with siblings is relative to any other in life. For many of us, it is our most treasured friendship, even when we are separated by distance.

My brother lives half a world away. I have to Skype at odd hours to catch him. Still, there is a closeness and a bond that exists beyond the miles. A shared empathy, a shared strength and the shared ability to speak without words. It is reflexive and natural.

I do not bring this subject up lightly, though I think that sharing funny stories about growing up would be a fun direction for this discussion. Foremost in my mind right now is our dear friend Chris. As a few here already know, his sister has suddenly taken ill. I sincerely hope he does not mind me sharing this fact in the interest of rallying support and good vibes. Please, if your heart works that way, send a prayer out to his sister, their family, and of course, Chris.

To try and cheer our broadcasting brother upon his return, this thread is a bittersweet invitation to share some memories about the kid or kids that grew up with you and loved you back. I am willing to bet we all have a bunch of pretty funny anecdotes. I'll share a learning experience to kick it off:

When my brother and I first got our own bikes we rode them all over the place together. It was a lot of fun, but because he was younger and brand new at it, he worried the hell out of me. I had to admit that it was nice to have my bike back to myself again. I should have given him more credit. He was already a smart kid who thought ahead.

Instead of asking for something fancy to crash over and over when he was learning, he bought a bike he saw in a neighbor's bushes for a dollar. He rode the heck out of it, but it was pretty dicey. So, for his birthday my Dad completely overhauled that old J.C. Higgins. You would never know it was rescued from the blackberry brambles a few months earlier.

My brother was very excited about his newly restored bicycle, so we rode across the street to the church parking lot. Around this time, we had discovered the utter coolness of hitting the coaster brake, locking our back tires and leaving a black stripe. After he took a few spins, I conned my brother out of his new ride, tore down the hill, made a long black stripe and a big loud bang.

He got to ride my bike for two long weeks before my Dad "found the time" to replace his tire. My Father was very shrewd. I learned my lesson and never abused my brother's bike again.

For better or worse, through thick and thin, aint nothing in the world like a brother or a sister.

MY BROTHER COULD DIE AND ROTT IN A FIRE, AND I WOULD CARE LESS!!

Lets just say, we don't get along AT ALL!!

After my mother passed away, we both had different ideas of what to do with her. I wanted her buried next to my father in the Oakridge cemetary. My brother wanted her creamated. Lets just say she ended up getting creamated WITHOUT MY CONSENT! Its still very painful to talk about her. My brother and I can't be left alone in the same room together. (we will go at each others throats) I WILL NEVER FORGIVE HIM!

I still wish I was an only child. (yes this is a very sore subject with me.

The older I became, the less tolerant I was of my bigoted and racists siblings. The decades since I last saw them has been peaceful and a blessing.

My experience is more like Littlesongs. As I get older I become more tolerant and more communicative with my younger brother. Of course, parents becoming ill and passing away perhaps amplifies this. At the same time, it reminds us all how fragile life can be.

I'm an only child ... as my mother says, she "gave up" after me. My family is very small, and I am very close with my cousin/business partner; we're more like brothers.

I will say this, and again it's only a suggestion but one from my heart - don't assume. Don't dwell on past issues with family members, even if you can't find a common ground. I had a very strained relationship with my father growing up, for as long as I can remember. Much of that had to do with the woman he married after he and my mother divorced; her and I simply couldn't stand the sight of each other from the word go. The last day I spoke with my father was the day I graduated from high school. He passed away over six years ago, and I will go to my grave regretting not having a relationship with him. I don't know how feasible it would have been with her in the picture, but all I wanted was a chance, and I don't have that.

I know that there are a lot of circumstances and issues that can drive a wedge. Skep, my cousin is rather intolerant of people with different sexual orientation lifestyles, and he and I agree to disagree on my mother's homosexuality. That said, we are still VERY close, and it's just a subject that isn't brought up between him and myself.

Again, I'm not preaching, just saying that maybe we should ALL reflect on our family, and see if we can make those bonds closer. I really wish I haad.

I understand what you mean Brian, but I'm afraid members of my family are beyond understanding . . . I've had my fill of "nigger jokes" and hearing about jail time for gay bashing, (among other unlawful activites) to last 3 lifetimes and then some.

When there is a criminal aspect involved and ignoring it amounts to enabling, one may be better off just staying the heck away from them.

I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters.
They're still my best friends.

Got to spend time with 4 of them and their families on Saturday.

Buns, I hope that passes.

My brother and I just talked for real, for the first time in maybe 10 years.

(Yes, Chris, that was one of those reset things!)

He went off the drug crime path, and I didn't, and our friends split, family fought, ugly as all get out.

He's clean, doing well, just missed a whole lot of prison time and appears to have found God!

(for real, not just me poking fun)

Despite all of this, we ended up laughing about some silly things we did before life interrupted us!

The bonds are deep. I am thankful for that, I have hope that I can grow to know my lost brother again. At least we started the right with "hello" and laughing!

Good posts all. When you have family, and you can talk to them, it is a good day it seems.

Amus!! You lucky dog. Three and three! Always wanted a sister. How many others here missed out on a sibling gender, and had to make it up with a few close friends from grade school?

>>this is a very sore subject with me
Bunz, hope someday you and your brother will make amends...we all disagree and get upset with each other but there is more to life and hating can just eat you up fast. Forgiving the past and moving on might be a way...start over...clean the slate...and try to forget the past garbage...know it's hard...close friendships to confide in helps.

While the wheels of political jawing go on in a couple of other threads I'd thought I'd finally pop in here.

I appreciate Littlesongs concern for my sister. She had a perforated bowel that took a turn for the worse Sunday morning. When it was all said and done she was transported from Astoria via ambulance to a hospital here in Portland. She was in tremendous pain. It was a horrible 15-16 hours for her. Surgery took place around 1am Monday morning. I am thankful for such skilled people, the surgeon saved my sister's life pure and simple.

Recovery from this is slow and will require a second surgery to sew up the bowel back together once all signs of infection are gone. Both surgeries require a week long stay in the hospital.

While this thing is not good at anytime, in my sister's case, whose life is go-go-go, it was like stopping a freight train in it's tracks. A possible wake up call for her too, time will tell on that.

Along with my older sister I have a younger brother. Years ago our family spent some time at Multnomah falls. My sister was 20 at the time, I was 17 my brother 16. The three of us ended up walking behind the falls ( you could do that back then) and in that little cave area as the falls fell in front of us we made a pact that we would always be loyal to each other no matter how life would change us.

It's a moment I have never forgotten, and I count it among many other great sibling moments. As different as we all are that loyalty has stood firm even in our disagreements and arguments. I attribute that to our folks. They instilled in us that ultimately we need each other.

As I write this thinking of my sister laying in that hospital bed I am so thankful for the work she does in helping sexually and physically abused kids for the past 20 some years. I think of her "Volunteerism Award" she received many years ago from Gov. Barbara Roberts. I think of the 20 page paper she was working on as part of her work towards her PH, D that will now have to wait.

My sister simply wants to change the world for the better. As she would tell you, "not only am I opinionated, I'm right!"

When mom died 2 and half years ago, we siblings had to help dad make some decisions. It was during that time we showed kindness, respect and unwavering love for each other. We really pulled together as a family unit in the midst of deep grief.

While my sister was lying in her hospital bed pre-surgery our family circled her like we did with mom. Singing songs mom used to sing to us kids as she put us to bed at night. Even my sister mustered a weak vocal with us.

I truly feel blessed, and I don't care for saying that too liberally because it's so overused, but it's the best description I can find.

For those who have already sent prayers for my sister's healing and recovery-thank you. It means more than you'll ever know.

"Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet." (at least in our case) ~Vietnamese Proverb

So I think this is a wonderful topic. I'm happy and sad both to read some of this. I hope those of you who are not close to your siblings can find it in your heart to reach out and try, one more time.

My two brothers live here in PDX, always have. I see my younger brother all the time. We are pretty close, our wives are close, I introduced him to his wife in fact. We share the love of music, sports, and general good times.

I don't see my older brother as much. We share the same interests as above. He just not been as close to our families, and his wife is, well, irritating at best.

When my Mom suddenly went to the hospital a couple of years ago, my older bro called me. I didn't get message until I got home from work. I raced over to the hospital, just as they were getting her ready to go into surgery for gall bladder removal (she was 92). I got to talk to her for a minute, gave her a kiss, and off she went.

My older bro was there. We spent the entire night sitting together in that hospital, talking about everything. It was the most concentrated time I had ever spent with him. (12 years apart in age). It has cemented our relationship ever since.

Yes, Mom passed away 5 days later. But she brought us together in a way no one else could have.

Don't give up on your family, ever. They love you and you love them, even if you can't, or won't, say it out loud. Being there is just as strong.

I truly understand where bunsofsteel is coming from. Honestly some family members you need to keep at arms length or even farther. I feel if you have done all you can to heal any riff and the other person chooses to continue in a pattern that is not healthy then by all means move on.

Spend your time with those that uplift you, encourage you and bring the best out in you.

Warner-
At my mothers memorial service things were revealed about her that some family members never knew about her. Guilt set in on my aunt who had for many years talked bad about my mom to others on her side of the family. That was pretty much put to rest, and her relationship with her brother, my dad, has gotten closer since my mom died. Even in each of our mom's death Warner they were bringing family together. Truly amazing.

> Now that I am pushing 40, I have been thinking lately of how unique the relationship with siblings > is relative to any other in life.

I agree wholeheartedly. I have one brother who is three years younger. Although I tend to be somewhat distant when it comes to family relations, I think that the relationship with my brother is growing closer as time goes by. I think that, at least on my part, this might be out of a sense of generational pride.

I know that your position in the family does have an effect on these things too.

I'm the middle one of 3, so I'm always trying to get everyone together. The young one is less likely to respond to that. The older one is less likely to put forth the effort, he feels more like we should come his way.

So there are tons of factors working.