Gotta love the Onion;
1. Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.
2. Avoid swaggering or any other confident behavior that suggests you are not completely subjugated.
3. Be sure not to pick up any object that could be perceived by a police officer as a firearm, such as a cell phone, a food item, or nothing.
4. Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.
5. Don’t let society stereotype you as a petty criminal. Remember that you can be seen as so much more, from an armed robbery suspect, to a rape suspect, to a murder suspect.
6. Try to see it from a police officer’s point of view: You may be unarmed, but you’re also black.
7. Avoid wearing clothing associated with the gang lifestyle, such as shirts and pants.
8. Revel in the fact that by simply existing, you exert a threatening presence over the nation’s police force.
9. Be as polite and straightforward as possible when police officers are kicking the shit out of you.