Here’s the quandary: You’re on board a jet aircraft at altitude and smoke begins to drift throughout the cabin. What can be done? This very situation faced Anne Romney, wife and tone deaf plutocratic mate of GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney.
Mittens would like to be the President of the United States. Surely he would know how to handle this crisis? Let’s see what he had to say:
“I appreciate the fact that she is on the ground, safe and sound. And I don’t think she knows just how worried some of us were,” Romney said. “When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous. And she was choking and rubbing her eyes. Fortunately, there was enough oxygen for the pilot and copilot to make a safe landing in Denver. But she’s safe and sound.”
Oh, I agree. I for one would occasionally like some fresh air when cruising at 35,000 feet. That recycled air can become a bit stale and lack refreshment. What could go wrong? I don’t know why “they” do that, either. Indeed Governor Romney, it is a real problem. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.
What’s that you say? What is this “cabin pressure” you speak of?
Excuse me? You can’t breathe several miles above the service of the Earth? Hogwash, good sir! Air is air, isn’t it?
I beg your pardon? Sliding open a window at 500 mph and feeding a cyclone of oxygen directly into an open flame might be unwise? You’re speaking crazy talk.
Next week join us when we ask Governor Romney to explain why it is that water boils when an open flame is applied at sufficient temperature and duration. Spoiler: God willed it.